Question 29 …… Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

My weight, I am fat, I need to lose weight so that I can be better

Question 28 …….What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would   you do?

I would be MORTIFIED, I take MY contraception very seriously, I say mine because its MY responsiblity, it’s up to me to ensure that I don’t get pregnant

When I first met my husband one of the first conversations we had, was about babies, I had 2 children and I knew that no matter who I met I wouldn’t want another child, I was truthful from the start with him, so for me to find myself pregnant would be a disaster of huge proportion, I would have to consider an abortion and yes I know the arguments for and against and yes I know that there are people in the world who can not have kids and the pros and cons of adoption but I can not see myself having or wanting another child, which is why I do take my contraception very very seriously, so that I’m NOT put in the position of having to make that awful decision of having to decide about an abortion

Question 27 ….What’s the best thing going for you right now?

It’s not my memory!!!!!!! ………  AND it’s not material wealth that really matters, so the bst thing I have is……..

Family and friends, I have found I have an amazing group of people round me who have helped and supported me, my husband has been a rock it’s not been easy not much of our relationship ever has been ”easy” BUT we laugh and I love the bones of him

Like my friend Mia I couldn’t name you all who have been there for me but I know your there and its not always about being in contact ALL the time I have friends/family who ”lurk” on the sidelines ready to jump in when needed and thats as important as the people who are in ”more” in contact

Question 26 …. Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and   why?

Ok I have been avoiding this question

I have thought about giving up in fleeting moments a few times, after the birth of my second child I had a lot of very very dark days, my hormones were running off the scale …….. I got a point of thinking of ending it all OR disappearing just walking out of the house ”for a loaf of bread” and just going away I had it planned down to going and getting a dead childs name!!!!!!!!!! I know NOT rational at all, I didn’t do it, I had a breakdown instead and was given tablets when in hindsight I probably needed counseling to deal with what was probably postnatal depression

That depression hasn’t lifted OR gone away, it has settled it’s self into a little corner of my mind and every now and again it  starts to grow, I think I can spot the signs, I usually can and I have a chat with myself…….. it’s not easy arguing with yourself just to stay ”sane”, sometimes I think it would be much easier to let the demons in my mind to take over. Sometimes I think that’s the release I crave for but I also know I wouldn’t be the happy loony that everyone loves and puts up with …..I would be the horrid loony that smears shit everywhere……….  you can see why I wanted to avoid this question ……..

I do have fabulous friends and family that ”don’t” know how much they do really help me but they do even if they don’t know how much

Most of all I have a fantastic man who loves and ”puts-up” with all my faults, it’s not been easy and sometimes it’s still not easy …. BUT that’s life……. AND I’m glad I carried on

AND without all this I wouldn’t be the pain in the ass I am today ………

 

Question 25 …… The reason you believe you’re still alive today

Because I’m not dead!!!!!!!!!! …. other than you should never start a sentence with because, because is not a grammatically correct way to start a sentence

I did have a close call after the birth of my second child but it all got worked out, I could spill the details but not here,  I  will but its going to have to be in a  private message ……. but it was not good but the ”grim reaper” missed me that time…….. playing ”tag” with ”grim” is  NOT much fun ……… it was serious because my G.P. was still doing home visits 4 weeks after the birth … in the UK then you got 1 visit within the first 10 days after the birth of a child

 

Question 24 …….. Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I think I must have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, I really can not think of 1 song let alone a whole list …… to dedicate to a person for good, bad or indifferent reason, I suppose if I sat down and looked through youtube, flicked through my mp3 player I could come up with something BUT I’m trying to write this without a lot of forward thinking, I don’t read other people’s ”30 days” till I have posted my own because I want it to be my words and not have an influence from someone elses ”30 days”

So unless/untill I think about it NO playlist

Question 22 ……….Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

NO,  because that would me I ”regretted” it …. and was this not an earlier question just worded different?

Qyestion 23 ……..  Something you wish you had done in your life.

same as above

Question 20 …. my views on drugs and alcohol

They are both dangerous when abused, to the user and their families, friends, strangers, both can kill and not always just the user

You read a lot about drugs being used to fund terrorism and harsh regimes in the poorer areas of the world, if drugs were made legal then could the money not go to help fund the re-building of those countries and help to them get rid of the people/organisations that have a strangle hold of their countries and people, could there also be a reduction of crime in the countries where the drugs are being sold illegally, and paying tax on the drugs could help with the funding of hospital treatments/addiction where as now there is not much funding, there is always going to be people who are going to be addicted, so there is no point in trying to pretend otherwise, so good funding for those that need help would be good and maybe having legal drugs would also take the ”forbiddden fruit” tag away from them

This maybe considered a very ”rose-coloured” view of a difficult and challenging subject and maybe not to well thought through but I  had been thinking about the US  and the problems faced with Prohibition

Question 19 ……… What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of  politics?

Religion

I think that most religions are used to control, I think that people twist religion to suit their own purposes,  I will stick to the word ‘god’ for ease of use, I think that if ”god” was the good and all forgiving being that ”god” is said to be then why is there so much hate in the world, so much bitterness, so much disease, famine etc, so much intolerance

I do know that people have faith in ”god” and do find comfort in that faith and some people need something to have faith in and who am I to say that’s right or wrong it’s right for them, it’s not for me, the whole idea of organised praying I find is bonkers, if you belive you belive all the time not at certain times or days

I don’t think there is a heaven or a hell, if you’re a decent person I don’t think you get your reward in heaven I think you get it back in your lifetime because you attract other good people to you

Politics

The first thing I think of is corruption when I think of politics there seems to be a lot of fiddling going on in governments round the world, some leaders get rich while their people struggle for basic amenities, some are starving to death and even murdered by their governments ……. something is wrong

For politics in my country, (I still think of corruption though) I’m not a very political person, I don’t support a particular party, you probably will not find me at rallies waving a bit of cardboard on a stick, BUT I do vote its my right and women struggled to get the vote so I do use my, I take notice of whats happening in my area and I vote for who I think can help/make a difference on what their polices are

Question 17 …………a book you’ve read that’s changed your views on something

It’s not really a change of view because I didn’t have a ”view” but I looked at something from a different perspective, it took what I had thought of as ”black and white” into ”shades of grey”

I recently read a book called ”The Midwife Tirlogys” its about a trainee midwife (the clue is in the title) who worked in the east end of london in the 50’s, it was the first book in the trilogy that really struck a cord with me ”Call the Mdwife” it gives a totally fascinating look in to the world of post war working class people living in dreadful conditions and how they dealt with pregnancy, contraception and abortion, which was probably the same in most of the major cities that had been bombed during the war and had areas of poverty and other social problems associated with poor education, poor health care, the NHS was in its infancy, poor diet etc

It was the information about the lack of contraception and abortion was illegal, the  contraception choices to NOT  have a child now are amazing and abortion is legal and done safely in hospitals and not in some dirty kitchen with dirty instruments by someone with no medical training, I was astounded at how hard it was to NOT have a child, it was this information and the real effects it had on people’s lives both then and now that gave me a different perspective into the story of a woman I have heard about

She had a few children in the 40’s and 50’s by a few different men, in today’s society this wouldn’t be unusual ……. in some places the norm but all those years ago it was considered to be shameful, I had thought well why not use something to stop getting pregnant and it was not until I read the book that I realised that things were not so ”black and white” as to just ”use something”, maybe they did and it failed and abortion was illegal, yes it still went on but you really took your life in your hands, I had not realise how bad contraception was for women, the lack of choices and the lack of sexual freedom for women at that time, I’m not saying that having a different sexual partner every nite is the way forward but neither is a lack of choice with regards contraception

I had not given a thought to people with large families down to contraception  …. yes a little naive of me but I put it down to religion or a choice, or  high infancy death rate, not a lack of choice of contraception, because I take the options available now for granted