family relationships   Leave a comment

with any family relationship it takes time/patience/understanding and sometimes a great big dollop of love/like, I say like because there is a saying you can chose your friends but not your relatives
you certainly can’t chose your parents or how their relationship will work out OR not, I like most people have divorced parents they split when I was young 8 and at a time when it was unheard of to have divorced parents, now most kids are lucky if their parents have even lived together, but anyway when my parents split there didn’t seam much concern for the ”children” in my experience it was a battle between the grown-ups and who could score more points, I would think that is  true in most relationship break-ups
from my point of view as a confused child there was a lot of fighting, screaming, crying and bad feeling and then my ”absent parent” moved away because of work, so visits became less/missed altogether and always ”explained”, in a way that should the absent parent in a bad light
so going through my teens my ”absent parent” didn’t care and couldn’t be arsed to see me/send bday/xmas cards/phone, this is MY perception of that time  and as I went into my twenties what little relationship there just faded into the background, country difference/time difference and just generally getting on with my own life

roll forward 20 years after my own marriage break-up and meeting many ”absent parents” and the struggles they have had to go through to find housing/work after the break down of their relationships and on top of having to keep regular contact with their children and trying to juggle all the new things that are happening, maybe work takes them away from where the kids are and maybe they can’t keep a place to live where their kids are, how do they then say have the kids to sleep and where do they take the kids if they only see them for a day etc, theres a million reasons some may say excuses

but to turn this round what happens if the ”non-absent parent” has met someone and its ”upsetting” the kids when they see the absent parent and tells/decides   to stop contact, what does the ”absent” parent do then, know that they are upsetting their kids or stay away as instructed and hopefully can explain when they are older, that usually doesn’t work out because of deep-seated issues

think what I’m tying to say is that theres a hundred reasons why when a marriage breaks up the kids get caught up and ”can” be used against either parent

but whats happened in my life has given me better understanding of the ”absent” parent and a different way of looking at what happened

and if your one of those ”kids” that has been pulled from pillow to post and if your ”mature” enough try and have a conversation even if its written/emailed/facebooked with the ”absent” parent and ask questions about how they felt and maybe you can get an understanding, you may not like what you find out but theres always 2 sides, but sometimes theres only life that can show you and if you become the ”absent” parent, remember you can change how your kids see you in the future, that is if the ”non-absent” parent lets you, then life will give you the understanding of the choices your parents made, if you like it or not

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Posted December 19, 2012 by sharplesoh in The Past

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a parent   Leave a comment

is being a parent easy? am I a good parent? should I be a parent? do I give the right advice? the answer to all of those questions is NO…….. to your kids you are the worse person in the world…….. to yourself you are even worse, to yourself you feel like a tragic waste of space, that doesn’t want to be like your own parents, if your were lucky enough to have 2 parents that had input to your life, but that may just be me kicking myself. I have made so many mistakes

and no I’m not looking for sympathy, its hard work trying to give your kids the right advice and giving them advice that’s right for them and also without stomping all over their feelings and making them feel small, I think I have been guilty of that, well I probs have and its a lesson you only learn when you think ”shit my parents did/said that”

as parents we are only people trying to inform/involve/educate our next generation parents

when did life get difficult!!!!!!!! when I had kids but I love mine xx

Posted October 28, 2012 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized

its been a while   Leave a comment

really shouldn’t leave it to long in between blogs but ……..bye-heck life so gets in the way, there’s been some highs some lows but at the end of the day they do seam to equal themselves out, I have a couple of blogs in mind its just a case of getting what I want to say out and in a way that is readable and doesn’t  sound like some rambling nutter just wittering away with themselves, but don’t bank on it, anyway here’s looking forward to a couple of blogs IF I can get the right words out and in the right order

Posted September 25, 2012 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized

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is it any easier   4 comments

its been just over a year since my kids lost there dad and I’m not to sure if its getting harder, I now wish I should have done an on-line diary or any kind of written record but I will be honest it may have been to hard, a friend said dairy would help and with hindsight ….oh that wonderful thing ”hindsight” as hard as it may have been maybe I should have, all the people who helped me the first few weeks, I have learned a lot though the people you think may support you they were not there, the people who want to help and have been desperate to help me and I haven’t called on them but are helping now, there’s people I know I can just  send a message to  and they will read and either send a message of support or tell me I’ve been a daft mare, depending on the friend lol, I have had people totally ignore whats happened, people who have guilt-tripped to their own end, people who’s grief is soooooo much worse than everyone else’s

at the end of the day life is a learning curve, my curve may have been a bit curvry than others but there you go, I’m in the middle of a life experiance I don’t want to be in and I have to make the best of it

Posted May 6, 2012 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized

hellllloooo   Leave a comment

I know tis has been a while, but (I know sounds like there’s gonna be some huge excuse) the last few months has seamed like at every turn into the ‘light” there has been another corner and then its been a U-turn and back to the same starting point and this ”roundabout” seems to have taken over every point in our lives, just as it seams like there is a light at the end of the tunnel there’s a ”soft” turn and just like a crescent moon that’s what we see, just a glimmer of hope that shouldn’t be let go of ………… but its out of site

I was asked ”mum why can’t life be simple” ……. If I knew that I would be living a simple life!!!!!!!!! adn I would bottle it and give it away !!!!!!!!!

 

Posted February 27, 2012 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized

A new year   1 comment

is a new year just like a new day …….. same shit but different ……. we don’t have a song and dance about a different month ….fireworks, kissing folks we don’t know and hoping next month is better than the last … so new year sod it, all is still the same .. what needs to change is whatever needs to…… and that can happen whenever its needed, its not on a timetable it just happens

Posted January 21, 2012 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized

been a while   2 comments

its been a while since my last post and loada’s water under the bridge, and 18th bday part (youngest) in september resulted in a broken and discoulated ankle (eldest child) and then the next thing …… its more birthdays and bloody christmas …… and I hate bloody winter and its a shame christmas is in the middle of bloody winter, who ever invented that didn’t know there was a world below the bloody equator ……….. it’s the lack of sunlite, just seeing that ”watery sun” peep over the horizon makes me want to head straight back to bed and that’s if I’m lucky that the grey clouds haven’t drowned the sun out…………and I hate christmas cuss there’s no bloody sun, I peg out washing on christmas day…. cuss I can, not like its gonna dry

 

Posted December 15, 2011 by sharplesoh in Uncategorized